Dealing with Cutting or Self-Harming Behaviors

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I work at a hospital, often with youth. Many of our youth come in with self-harming behaviors such as cutting, head-banging, skin burning, biting, or hair pulling. These behaviors occur due to deep emotional pain. These are instant relief behaviors and are often their first go-to reactions. Many times after it only leads to worse feelings such as guilt or shame. 

March is self-harm awareness month. I wrote this blog to help my youth at the hospital, but also to help anyone else out there that might handle difficult emotional pain through self-harming behaviors.

Why do people do these things? Many times it’s just to feel something rather than nothing, distraction to other pain, to feel a sense of control, self-punishing, or expressing feelings. Many people ask, how can I deal with this in other ways? 

First, it takes practice. Unfortunately this behavior won’t just easily go away or be switched. Don’t give up. Relapse happens but it doesn’t mean it’s over or you can’t do it. You can.

Second, learn new and experiment with new coping skills. Here’s a list of many new coping skills you might not have tried before.

•        instead of cutting write on your skin with a pen, this way you can let it out without leaving a mark and it washes away later
•        snap a rubber band around your wrist
•        hold an ice cube until the feeling and urge goes away
•        take a hot shower or an ice bath
•        write out your feelings then rip it up later
•        exercise, try yoga or other relaxation exercises
•        tear apart magazines
•        feel your pulse to prove you’re alive and feeling
•        tell yourself “I don’t deserve to be hurt” until you believe it
•        create a special safe place with no knives or sharps until the urge to cut goes away
•        listen to music
•        bite a hot pepper
•        clap your hands until it stings
•        walk around in a public area
•        remember past times where you haven’t cut before and tell yourself you can do it again
•        call 1-800-DON’T CUT
•        Butterfly Project: Draw a butterfly on your arm or where you want to cut and write someone’s name in it that is special to you. Each time resist the urge to ‘cut’ that person and hurt the butterfly. Pick a new person and draw anew butterfly each time you feel the urge

Third, recognize your triggers. By learning things that trigger you, you can use those new coping skills earlier. It’s much easier to tart the process earlier than try to stop in the middle.

Fourth, possibly see a counselor or mental health therapist. They can help you through recovery as well as help process the other feelings the cutting might have been detracting from. It’s important to have ‘rapport’ or a good relationship with this counselor though otherwise it won’t help you. If you don’t feel comfortable with this therapist then please pick someone else to help. Your therapist will understand this.

Fifth, find support systems in either your friends or a group therapy situation. You’re not alone in this. Others cut too and many overcome it every day.