Control Your Olympic-Sized Anger

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Who doesn’t have anger problems once in a while? With the Olympics going on I consider it appropriate to use the term “Olympic-sized” anger. Many people, especially me and my type-A self, struggle with anger. Our first instinct is normally to bury our anger, but anger is not something to be ashamed about or even run from. Anger has a place and a purpose and has important meaning. When you’re feeling anger listen to it and explore it. Anger is meant to tell us that something is wrong and there is something that we need to address. Holding anger in can make you physically ill and lead to somatic symptoms that are for one – completely unnecessary and two – painful.

When you’re angry talk it through your mind and ask yourself what is really happening in that exact moment. Explore the root of your anger. What’s happening? What are your immediate thoughts? Are there some boundaries you should be aware of and possibly set? Also pay attention to the vulnerable and untouched emotions underneath. Anger hides our feelings of hurt, fear, worry, or sadness. When you are feeling angry - work though it and don’t shut it down. Explore it. Below are extra “gold winning tips” to learn to control your anger.

1. Learn your triggers. What sets you off the most? Also pay attention to the level of anger. We can handle ‘irritation’ or ‘mild anger’ but it’s hard to control the “Olympic-sized” ‘explosion level’ anger. By learning your triggers you can stop anger before it even starts.

2. Recognize that it is hard to stop anger when it is already out-of-control. Other anger management classes will tell you to stop in the middle and take a break and think it out, but is that really possible? Anger explosions happen all too quickly and it really is unlikely you’ll be able to stop and ‘take a break.’ That’s why it’s important to go back to number one and understand triggers to stop it before it starts.

3. Learn to make compromises between yourself and other angry parties. Then you can create a “win-win” for everyone. Compromises show that you’re willing to sacrifice something for the other person. If they see a sense of sacrifice, chances are they will do the same for you.

4. Learn assertiveness training. Learn to be more assertive rather than confrontational. Words have a lot of meaning and connotational value depending on how we use them. There’s a difference between being aggressive and argumentative rather than assertive and smart in your words.

5. Use appropriate timing for possible anger-triggering conversation. Sometimes we have to have those difficult conversations that we know are just going to set either ourselves or someone else off. Pick appropriate timing. For example in couples, while someone is making dinner or right when someone gets home from work is not an appropriate setting. At work when someone has a deadline is not appropriate timing. Pick a time and setting where both parties can be focused on the matter at hand.

6. Restructure your thinking. Be more rational. It’s the end of the world” can change to “It’s frustrating but understandable.” When you are thinking things through in your mind avoid using phrases that start or end with ‘never, always, or demand.’ Logic can defeat your anger.

There are many other ways you can learn to control your anger, but these are just a few ways for you to learn how to “win gold” and control your anger before it controls you.