Learning to Accept Yourself - Mental Health Tips from Disney’s Aladdin

Image courtesy of Victor Habbick/FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

Disney’s Aladdin presents an important lesson about learning to accept yourself and be true to yourself. Aladdin was called “street rat” in the beginning of the movie just because of his poorer status. He proceeds to become a different person just so he can prove that what they say is not true and to impress someone. In the process he loses himself and hurts some very important people in his life.

This is a common situation that happens in the world today. People call us names and there are unhelpful and untruthful stigmas attached to people and certain situations. How do we defeat that without losing ourselves? Or how do we accept ourselves period? Often people also change themselves to impress other people or because other people told them to change. Here are things to consider when learning to accept yourself and boost your own self-worth.

1) Understand your strengths, weaknesses, and achievements.

 What are your strengths? What are the good things right now? What are your weaknesses and what can you build upon? What are your achievements that you can be proud of? Don’t down play the good things but also don’t forget to focus on weaknesses.

2) Don’t listen to what others think of you.

Most times people say things out of ignorance or out of jealousy. Analyze what they are saying and the situation that they said it in. Is this really something that you might need to work on or were they just saying something to get a rise out of you? Most likely the latter, so just don’t listen.

3) Don’t mask yourself for others.

Be proud of who you are. Don’t force down aspects of yourself because they might not be accepted by others. If they’re really friends or important in your life than they will accept all of you no matter what.

4) Accept your imperfections.

No one is perfect. Not even those stars that we somehow manage to put on a pedestal. Everyone has their problem, they just don’t show it. It's ok to accept that you're not perfect. 

5) Accept your emotions and fears.

This is incredibly important. Pushing down our fears and emotions will only make us sick inside and cause more problems. Learn to handle your emotion properly and express them.

6) Don’t dwell on what you can’t control.

Unfortunately not everyone in life is going to be within our control. You can’t control what others say and what others think, but you can control yourself and your reactions to it.

7) Relax and laugh things off.

Life is honestly too short to get upset by every little thing. If you make a mistake, then just laugh it off, accept it and move on. Dwelling on these negative things that happen will only hurt you inside.

8) Always be yourself – especially in public.

I think we’re all guilty of putting on a show. It’s exhausting is it not? And when we do put on a show, doesn’t it kind of ruin everything else around us and our experiences? You constantly keep yourself in check and you aren’t having much fun. Compare that with other experiences where you are yourself and completely relaxed. Much better right?

As the Genie says – “just be yourself.” You’re special, you’re an individual and no one else is you, so be you and be proud!

Safety Planning for Times of Crisis

Image courtesy of Simon Howden/FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

Safety planning is important to everyone. There are going to be times in everyone’s lives that are ‘times of crisis.’ A time of crisis is a time where people feel things are spiraling out of control, we’re not ourselves and we become unsafe. Self-harming or suicidal thoughts may pop into our heads and we need to have a safety plan in place so we don’t act on them. Here are a few important pieces of safety planning.

1) Identify your warning signs

What does it look like when you are well? What does it looks like when you are not well? Be able to identify those changes in such things such as sleeping patterns, eating patterns, cleanliness behaviors, mood changes, and changes in thought patterns.

2) Identify coping skills

What can you do to try and either distract yourself or take your mind off of these thoughts? Coping skills are very personal and what works for one person may not work for another. Coping skills can be listening to music, deep breathing, taking a walk, writing, taking a bath, etc. Write out a long list so that you have lot of options to choose from during rough times.

3) Identify people you can talk to

Who are the people you can trust with anything? Who do you turn to in times of trouble? These can be friends, family, or professionals. If they are professionals though, understand these people are not available 24/7 so identify more than just professionals. Don’t be afraid of “bugging” your support systems too much or worrying they may be too busy. They’ll be there for you whenever you need them. I know if a friend or family member told me they were feeling unsafe I would drop everything to help them out, no questions asked.

4) Put yourself in a safe environment

Take yourself out of the problem environment. Don’t isolate and don’t stay in your home alone. Take a walk, visit a library, go to the mall. Go somewhere public where you are less likely to do anything to harm yourself. Just surrounding yourself with people is enough and taking yourself away from any knives, sharps, guns, medications, or other tools is important for safety.

5) Identify one thing that is most important to you and worth living for

It’s pretty simple. Just one thing can help us get over that hump. Identify that one person, or that one thing that is happening in the future that is pretty exciting. Just one thing makes it completely worth it and make those thoughts disappear.

6) Go to a hospital or call 9-1-1

After you’ve exhausted this list and you’re still feeling unsafe go to a hospital and get checked out. Professionals are always available to help and there is always a safe place to go in a medical center.

Crisis times happen, just have a safety plan in place for when it comes around. And know that it's ok to ask for help.

Other resources:

Suicide Prevention Lifeline Phone: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention/index.shtml

Learning to Let the Past Go – Mental Health Tips from Disney’s Frozen

Image courtesy of oana roxana birtea/FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

This is the first of hopefully many Disney-inspired mental health blogs. When we look closely at movies, we can find many hidden messages and tips to keep track of our mental health. Lyric credits go to composers Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Disney.

NOTE: There may be spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the movie I would wait to read the blog.

The past is pretty important, but not so important that it has to define your entire life. Working in the mental health care industry, I see lots of people every day who come in because their past has caught up with them. People often get anxiety and depression from difficulties in the past. Dark feelings happen because the past is such an insurmountable obstacle in the way of their recovery.

Disney’s Frozen is about to be released onto DVD. Frozen has some pretty important lessons and examples about overcoming the past. Elsa, one of the main characters, was born with a curse that causes her to freezes things she touches. Elsa can also create storms and ice/snow when her emotions get the best of her. Growing up she was told to “conceal it” and “hide” this power. As a result she spent the majority of her years locked inside of her own room for fear of her power. After her parents pass away and she inherits the throne and becomes the queen. The fear of becoming a queen and an accidental outburst cause her curse to become known to the world. The rest of the movie is spent watching Elsa learn to cope with her power and let her fears and worries about it go. Elsa gradually learns to accept herself and let others in. Here are some tips to let our own damaging past go as learned from Elsa in Disney’s Frozen.

1) Acknowledge the past – Acknowledge that it happened. Accept it. It’s a part of who you are and you can’t go back and change it, but you can move on. Don’t ruminate on the past because you’ll continue to be stuck, but instead let yourself move forward. Elsa’s biggest point of change in the movie was when she acknowledged that the past happened and that she had fears. Once she gained that acceptance we saw her start to move on and gain gradual confidence in herself and a sense of freedom. Just “Let it Go.”

2) Learn from the past – Even if your past is riddled with immense trauma and emotional pain there had to be something gained from the past. People with a lot in the past can be some of the strongest people. What lesson did you learn from your experience? How did this shape you for the better? Elsa learned that she was a strong person and the “cold never bothered her anyways.”

3) Use support systems – I personally feel like this is the most important part of moving forward. Learn that you don’t have to handle this all by yourself. There are professionals around as well as other supports such as friends and family that will always be there for you. Elsa was only able to learn how to reverse the winter after she realized the support she had from her sister. Without her sister, Anna, showing her sacrifice for her and what Elsa meant to her, the full extent of Elsa’s self-acceptance wouldn’t be possible.

4) Focus on others rather than yourself – Sometimes if we take the focus off ourselves it helps. As I mentioned in tip number one – don’t ruminate and solely focus on yourself. Focusing more on others or helping someone else will help you just as much. Elsa was incredibly happy in the end when she was “opening the gates” and making the villagers and her sister happy.

5) Start over but take things slow – Change is always possible even if you have made a million mistakes. There is always room for change. It is never too late to start over and move on from the past. It is also a gradual process. Elsa moved on, but she moved on slowly. Things unfortunately did not change for her instantly. Elsa accepted herself, her powers, the help and love of her sister, and started a new life over. Just like Elsa and many others who have let their past go, you can do the same and move on and start over.

Elsa's song "Let it Go" can also be a great source of constant strength and inspiration. Just remember that you are in control if your future and it should not be dictated by your past. Move on. Be your own person. Everyone has that strength and ability, you just have to let yourself believe. 

Dealing with Cutting or Self-Harming Behaviors

Image courtesy of jscreationzs/FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

I work at a hospital, often with youth. Many of our youth come in with self-harming behaviors such as cutting, head-banging, skin burning, biting, or hair pulling. These behaviors occur due to deep emotional pain. These are instant relief behaviors and are often their first go-to reactions. Many times after it only leads to worse feelings such as guilt or shame. 

March is self-harm awareness month. I wrote this blog to help my youth at the hospital, but also to help anyone else out there that might handle difficult emotional pain through self-harming behaviors.

Why do people do these things? Many times it’s just to feel something rather than nothing, distraction to other pain, to feel a sense of control, self-punishing, or expressing feelings. Many people ask, how can I deal with this in other ways? 

First, it takes practice. Unfortunately this behavior won’t just easily go away or be switched. Don’t give up. Relapse happens but it doesn’t mean it’s over or you can’t do it. You can.

Second, learn new and experiment with new coping skills. Here’s a list of many new coping skills you might not have tried before.

•        instead of cutting write on your skin with a pen, this way you can let it out without leaving a mark and it washes away later
•        snap a rubber band around your wrist
•        hold an ice cube until the feeling and urge goes away
•        take a hot shower or an ice bath
•        write out your feelings then rip it up later
•        exercise, try yoga or other relaxation exercises
•        tear apart magazines
•        feel your pulse to prove you’re alive and feeling
•        tell yourself “I don’t deserve to be hurt” until you believe it
•        create a special safe place with no knives or sharps until the urge to cut goes away
•        listen to music
•        bite a hot pepper
•        clap your hands until it stings
•        walk around in a public area
•        remember past times where you haven’t cut before and tell yourself you can do it again
•        call 1-800-DON’T CUT
•        Butterfly Project: Draw a butterfly on your arm or where you want to cut and write someone’s name in it that is special to you. Each time resist the urge to ‘cut’ that person and hurt the butterfly. Pick a new person and draw anew butterfly each time you feel the urge

Third, recognize your triggers. By learning things that trigger you, you can use those new coping skills earlier. It’s much easier to tart the process earlier than try to stop in the middle.

Fourth, possibly see a counselor or mental health therapist. They can help you through recovery as well as help process the other feelings the cutting might have been detracting from. It’s important to have ‘rapport’ or a good relationship with this counselor though otherwise it won’t help you. If you don’t feel comfortable with this therapist then please pick someone else to help. Your therapist will understand this.

Fifth, find support systems in either your friends or a group therapy situation. You’re not alone in this. Others cut too and many overcome it every day.